We worry all the time.

Our very first "Father & Children Day" together at the Jurong Bird Park.  It used to be just "Father_Daughter Day"

As parents, we worry all the time.  We are "Kaisu".  Today, maybe on your spelling test.  Tomorrow, maybe on your social skills.  Your confidence in class, eating habits, your manners at home, your habits, whether you know how to clean yourself after a big bomb in the toilet or even if you get enough rest in the night.

But perhaps, our greatest worry for both of you are as follows:

En Xi

This is a serious issue and warrants our attention.  You are definitely not coping well in class and your academics are somewhat below average.  Our worry is not that you don't get excellent grades, but rather that you are beginning to display a lack of confidence because you see others can do what you can't.  It breaks us down to see you at times, in the night, sobbing and ranting about the tremendous pressure you face in school.  As far as I can recall, my childhood is filled with fun and fantastic memories.  We really think your childhood deserves better.  You are better with visuals and mummy's chat with a friend suggest that you might have (hold your breath, we are not labeling you, just merely suspecting) a slight case of dyslexia.  We are not sure, but our concern is not whether you are or not.  In our eyes, you are forever our beloved child, sweet, adoring and affectionate.  Our greatest concern is your spiritual health, we want to help you learn better, regardless of the method, which ever is better.  It does not matter we use the traditional way or the alternate way.  So long, as it helps you learn and most importantly, fill up your spiritual health bank, your confidence and regain your love for learning.

En Jun

Since young, you have not been feeding well.  You tend to eat less with more meals in the day.  That was when you were an infant.  Since toddler age at 6 months, you started taking solids like porridge.  But somehow for no apparent reasons, you refused to take any form of solids from 1 year old onwards.  Since then, you have been on an unhealthy diet of biscuits and milk only.  The milk is not longer able to sustain the diet and you are getting hungrier all the time, but all you want are biscuits.  Only recently, have you started on some nuggets and pancakes.  A good start, but not too all impressive and healthy either.  We are starting to starve you a little more and coerce you into eating more solids, such as rice and vegetables.  So wish us luck.

Undivided Attention

Our weekend routines are like this.  Sat, 0930hrs, we drop En Xi off for phonics class and proceed to have breakfast with En Jun.  1030hrs, we pick En Xi up and send her to Art Class by 1100hrs.  We will then idle until 1215hrs to pick En Xi up for lunch together with En Jun.  Head back home for nap time, then probably go to 'Por Por' house for dinner.  Recently, we found a great spot at Lower Pierce Reservoir and thought that it'll be great to spend some undivided attention with En Jun.  To play with you at your own pace and liking, no compromises from you, just like how we treat En Xi when we only had her.  I think you like the attention and thought for awhile.  When was the last time, I did a father-daughter or father-son bonding time?  Or even a parent-daughter or parent-son bonding time?  It sure feels great to hang out as a family and learn to work together as a team, but everyone needs to be pampered once in awhile.  I think we need to plan the occasional bonding time with either one of you only sometime.

We still haven't got you shades.  Apologies for using Pink again.

If En Jun favorite pose is "Finger on the cheek", Mummy's favorite must be "Twist"!

En Jun trying hard to twist while holding onto the spade

I think you are better off with the "Finger on Cheek" pose

You must be thinking, "What a masterpiece..."

So, this is pretty much Saturdays.  Sundays?  We always keep Sundays for family time.  Last week, we did Botanical Gardens.  This week, we did water play at "Wild Wild Wet" in Pasir Ris.  As always, En Xi had the most fun, but you managed to get lost in the water park today and got us so worried.  You even had the cheek to say its my fault that I couldn't keep up and look out for you when you actually dashed away on your own after shouting at me, "I'm going to that side!" in 2 sec.  Anyway, all is well.  Today is still a fun day.

My very first time....

When you have 2 kids and don't employ a domestic helper, you spend most of your time with logistics, cleaning, washing, bathing, packing and administration.  It is very different when you have only 1 kid where parents can take turns to care and play with the kid, while the other handles the rest of the stuff.

About En Jun

Just a couple of days back, En Jun was asking to do some painting, which very naturally (given the messy nature of painting) I brushed you off with my standard line, "Maybe, we can do this another time."  Then, it struck me when I couldn't recall when you actually did your last painting at home.  Wait.... Actually, you haven't tried painting before.  Felt so bad for neglecting you again.  Your sister has pretty much experimented things early in her toddler years.  Fortunately, you are independent, a very quick learner and not a fussy chap (You had to don En Xi's Dora themed apron and sleeves).

En Jun with "Dora" themed apron and sleeves

The 'SOP' finger on the cheek camera pose

About En Xi

You did great in School for this month!  Full marks (5/5) for your Chinese Spelling TWICE!  Kudos to your hard work and Mummy's creative efforts to help you.  English spelling is coming up soon and your teacher actually changed the spelling list from 5 to 10 words!  We were shocked by the daunting task at hand and Mummy subsequently send an irritated, but cordial email to your teacher demanding to know how we can actually achieve all these without killing your interest in learning.  Somehow, (we think) your teacher actually 'wayang' and had you learn the word "Ambulance" and had you spell it in front of your classmates in class.  Then, had you spell it to us at home.  Ok, sure, wayang or not, we don't really know, but you are looking very much happy and confident; and that is what it really matters to us.

Your rewards lucky dip box

Full marks! (5/5) for Chinese Spelling

Scary stuff awaits

Raising My Spirited En Xi

For those who have been followed through our blog, or had a chance to meet my Mei Mei in person, you will probably realize by now that she is nowhere near a compliant child.

Don't be fool by my angelic smile, I can be your worst nightmare..hwahahahahah

For the longest time, we have been hoping that she might outgrow her challenging nature once she gone past her babylicious stage. When she blew her 3 candles last month, I have decided to resigned to fate that her package is here to stay. Edwin is also increasingly concerned with this feisty tike, and why every simple task seems like a Mount Everest calling for her. Nothing gets completed without a dose of tantrums. And on good days when she decided to give us a break, it feels almost like striking TOTO!

You can't make me...neh neh ni boo boo

As more and more of our peers join us in the Parents Society, we can’t help feeling concerned when we see how their kids are just so easy to handle. This is also where I will get to meet 2 typical mummies, who are capable of pulling my emotions either ways.

Meet The Competitive Mum, who will rave about how their precious has accomplished the Toddler 101 milestones, and casting a discerning look at Mei Mei, complete with the unspoken judgment that it must have been something that we haven’t done right. We do wonder sometimes, if we have indirectly fed her willfulness because we chose not to use the rod. It might have been easier to keep her in check if we have decided to go with the negative reinforcement from the start.  But I was the more determined one not to, as using the rod would have been an easy way out, and I believe I know what’s best for her. At this point, the Tiger Mums out there might snare at me, as this might be a totally unacceptable parenting theory in their world. I have been brought up in a traditional Chinese family, where defiance is not an option for girls. I may be the compliant child that my mum is always proud of. However, it is also obvious that I lack the adventurous spontaneity like my brothers and always drawn to the politically-correct way of life.

Now for my favorite friend; The Empathetic Mum who will assure us that we are not alone. Instantly, our conversations will always progress to be somewhat like a support group discussion, exchanging our fair share of nerve-wrecking experiences.

Some people advocate kids of Mei Mei’s nature as the “strong-willed” child - a term that I was first introduced to when we attended a parenting workshop. It was then that we seemed to have found the perfect explanation to Mei Mei’s behaviour.

As I actively seek more enlightening answers to manage Mei Mei’s strong-willed traits, I chanced upon a book recently by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka - “Raising Your Spirited Child”. 

Here’s a peek of the traits that characterises a “spirited” child:

Intensify - "..They never whimper; they wail. They can skip into a room, smiling and laughing only to depart 30 secs later inflamed."

How can I not concur with this when most days with En Xi is like watching “Dr Hyde and Jekyll” Live in Action, and it totally resonates with Edwin's exasperation that she can never take “No”  for an answer.

Persistence – “…They are committed to their task, goal-oriented, and unwilling to give up. Getting them to change their minds is a major undertaking.” 

I remembered those days during Shichida when cold sweat will shivered down my forehead whenever we have writing activities. She simply refused to let me hold her hand to guide her, and insist to color all the characters when we were instructed to trace them instead. And the bedtime lights-out ordeal, when she always wants to read the last, last, last storybook till we have exhausted all the books she can possibly find.

Sensitivity -  “…Keenly aware, spirited kids quickly respond to the slightest noise, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood. “

This is how most of our photo-taking sessions will end up

The every morning saga of getting her to change into her uniform is never something we look forward to, as she will end up cladding something of her choice after some dramatic struggles. And not forgetting her recent strike during 1^st day of CNY, when she refuses to change into the cute cheongsum outfit I’ve painstakingly select for her, as she keeps insisting that it’s not a dress but a shirt.

The poor CNY dress that never make it to daylight

Perceptiveness - ”…It takes them 10 minutes to get them from the house to the car.

They notice everything.”

I feel a sense of relief to know that we are not some crazy parents who have to always carefully strategized every outing, starting from something as simple as a short walk from the MRT, as thou it’s one of Edwin’s ATEC misson, to avoid any potential eye contact with tear-inducing suspects such as playgrounds. Even the same walk to the bus-stop (that takes less than 3 mins) seems like eternity as she always manage to discover something new to amaze at.

Adaptability – “…Spirited children are uncomfortable with change. They hate surprises and do not shift easily from one activity or idea to another..” 

This probably accounts for the taxing emotional strikes she put up when she first started full-day preschool a month ago.

By Page 10 of this book, I can’t help thinking that they should re-name the title to “Raising Your Spirited En Xi” instead.

As the book has rightfully pointed out, life with my Spirited En Xi are equally rewarded with prized moments of joy and laughter. She will ambush us with disciplinary words such as “Don’t shout”, “Cannot push”, “Say sorry” when we haven’t been observing the same ground rules that we have laid down for her. And of cause how everyday is her birthday, and we have to conduct the cake-cutting ceremony and sing her the “Happy Birthday” song for the 10,001th time…her daily supplement of warm snuggles (usually complete with a Olympic dive into our arms) the moment we step through the door…and how she likes to orchestrate a music performance at home, and getting everyone to be part of her rock ensemble, creatively using make-shift instruments such as cup covers as cymbals. 

I'm so happy to be the free-spirited child!!

I’m looking forward to uncover more insightful tips in this book and hope to share some successes in the near future.  For a start, it has definitely help to reinforce my unwavering belief that Fate must have its own plans for her, and setting her up for something out of the usual run of things.   Stay tune for more updates on my Spirited En Xi!

Story Telling

Since at an early age, bedtime stories have been a habitual routine for En Xi. Every night, when we say “time for milk”, En Xi will rush into her room and grab her favourite books. She then tosses the books on the bed and lies down with both arms out stretched, reaching for the milk bottle. As she slurps down her fix, we sit down next to her and start reading. Before you know it, she bumps her milk bottle onto your hand to indicate that she’s done. This consummates with her licking her lips profusely in delight, before she sits ups pointing to a book and says “How about this one?”

I’m glad to have had adopted this habit as it allows us a little bonding time every night and more importantly, nurtures En Xi’s interest in reading. As a matter of fact, she has enjoyed bedtime stories so much that she looks forward to bringing back new books from the library. Sometimes, En Xi will read to us, albeit with the occasional prompting. Once done reading, she looks up and the sparkle from her eyes and warmth smile instantaneously energise us.

With En Xi’s affection for reading and her showing symptoms of bad mannerism, such as snatching and gobbling down her favourite snacks. We came up with a brilliant plan to cultivate her values by reading cautionary tales. Our first book was “Say please, Louise!” by Roxbee Cox??? A large text graphical book with emphasis on the phrase “Say please, Louise! A please and thank you is all that’s needed.” At the start, we were taken by surprise with her ease of reciting ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ as we flip through the pages. But I guess we did not explain when and how to apply the appropriate mannerism nor did we allow her to practise enough. It all seems confusing for her in the beginning. At times, she said ‘Thank you’ before asking for things and often hurries off without saying ‘Thank you’ when she gets her stuff. Eventually, our constant reminders and patience paid off. Finally, En Xi was able to communicate ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ in the right situations.

Delighted and encouraged by En Xi’s progress, we decided to introduce more cautionary tales by the same author, such as “Don’t be Greedy, Graham!” and “Don’t be a Bully, Billy!” But it seems tougher than before, now when we ask “Can we be Greedy or Bully?” She would spontaneous reply “Yes!” much to our dismay. But I’m sure she’ll be on the right track in no time, all we need is a little more patience.

A little Daddy-Daughter Time meeting up with En Xi Favourite Cartoon Character

Parenting

A picture taken at the Singapore Night Festival 2010 that Daddy really liked

Recently, Daddy went for a Secondary School gathering and somehow got to know a few more friends, rather than catch up with old ones.  There, Daddy met a SAHM (Stay At Home Mum) and we spoke at length on some parenting matters.  One such conversation that got Daddy thinking again was the effect of enrichment programs for kids.  Enrichment programs in the "Little Red Dot" is a BIG thing, as you will know when you grow up that Education is everything and all that matters in our country.  Some might beg to defer, but for a guy who works in the civil service and watch countless inapt superiors get a pay rise for doing half the work of what I do, this idea kind of sinks into my head.  Ok, enough ranting for now and back to the subject proper.

One of many places that Daddy and Mummy brings you to cultivate your artsy fartsy roots

I was explaining the routines of your everyday with regards to the homework in the evenings and stressing the importance to keep up or drop out.  But my new found friend opined differently and only subscribes her kids to nursery and kindergarden.  No additional enrichment programs and lets her kids play all the time and as much as they want, but of course within limits.  She said, "Kids are going to start carrying big and heavy textbooks from 7 years of age, let them have their childhood, they will learn to write and read anyway."  Wow, you better start thanking this lady when you grow up and happen to bump into her in future.  She was right in her way and I can understand that to a certain extend, while learning to pick up life skills early is important, such as writing and reading.  It is only a matter of time you will learn these skills, what's more important is to let you enjoy this process.  That is why I'll continue to read to you every night because the bonding is just great and irreplaceable for me.  You'll also be glad to know that you will be ending your enrollment to Shichida classes by the end of the year.

Ok, let's stick to play now, shall we?

Daddy was reading the New York Times and came across 2 interesting articles that might be of interest if you are a parent.  Sometimes, we wonder what we do as a parent actually helps.

Accepting That Good Parents May Plant Bad Seeds

We marvel at the resilient child who survives the most toxic parents, yet the converse — the notion that some children might be the bad seeds of more or less decent parents — is hard to take.

http://nyti.ms/8Z1MDu

   
Computers at Home: Educational Hope vs. Teenage Reality
Researchers measuring a home computer’s educational value to a schoolchild in a low-income household are finding that test scores tend to go down, not up.

http://nyti.ms/aOiiLl


There's so much talk about filial piety these days, Daddy wonders if you will hold onto Daddy and Mummys' hands when we are old, just like we once did when you were young.