Raising My Spirited En Xi

For those who have been followed through our blog, or had a chance to meet my Mei Mei in person, you will probably realize by now that she is nowhere near a compliant child.

Don't be fool by my angelic smile, I can be your worst nightmare..hwahahahahah

For the longest time, we have been hoping that she might outgrow her challenging nature once she gone past her babylicious stage. When she blew her 3 candles last month, I have decided to resigned to fate that her package is here to stay. Edwin is also increasingly concerned with this feisty tike, and why every simple task seems like a Mount Everest calling for her. Nothing gets completed without a dose of tantrums. And on good days when she decided to give us a break, it feels almost like striking TOTO!

You can't make me...neh neh ni boo boo

As more and more of our peers join us in the Parents Society, we can’t help feeling concerned when we see how their kids are just so easy to handle. This is also where I will get to meet 2 typical mummies, who are capable of pulling my emotions either ways.

Meet The Competitive Mum, who will rave about how their precious has accomplished the Toddler 101 milestones, and casting a discerning look at Mei Mei, complete with the unspoken judgment that it must have been something that we haven’t done right. We do wonder sometimes, if we have indirectly fed her willfulness because we chose not to use the rod. It might have been easier to keep her in check if we have decided to go with the negative reinforcement from the start.  But I was the more determined one not to, as using the rod would have been an easy way out, and I believe I know what’s best for her. At this point, the Tiger Mums out there might snare at me, as this might be a totally unacceptable parenting theory in their world. I have been brought up in a traditional Chinese family, where defiance is not an option for girls. I may be the compliant child that my mum is always proud of. However, it is also obvious that I lack the adventurous spontaneity like my brothers and always drawn to the politically-correct way of life.

Now for my favorite friend; The Empathetic Mum who will assure us that we are not alone. Instantly, our conversations will always progress to be somewhat like a support group discussion, exchanging our fair share of nerve-wrecking experiences.

Some people advocate kids of Mei Mei’s nature as the “strong-willed” child - a term that I was first introduced to when we attended a parenting workshop. It was then that we seemed to have found the perfect explanation to Mei Mei’s behaviour.

As I actively seek more enlightening answers to manage Mei Mei’s strong-willed traits, I chanced upon a book recently by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka - “Raising Your Spirited Child”. 

Here’s a peek of the traits that characterises a “spirited” child:

Intensify - "..They never whimper; they wail. They can skip into a room, smiling and laughing only to depart 30 secs later inflamed."

How can I not concur with this when most days with En Xi is like watching “Dr Hyde and Jekyll” Live in Action, and it totally resonates with Edwin's exasperation that she can never take “No”  for an answer.

Persistence – “…They are committed to their task, goal-oriented, and unwilling to give up. Getting them to change their minds is a major undertaking.” 

I remembered those days during Shichida when cold sweat will shivered down my forehead whenever we have writing activities. She simply refused to let me hold her hand to guide her, and insist to color all the characters when we were instructed to trace them instead. And the bedtime lights-out ordeal, when she always wants to read the last, last, last storybook till we have exhausted all the books she can possibly find.

Sensitivity -  “…Keenly aware, spirited kids quickly respond to the slightest noise, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood. “

This is how most of our photo-taking sessions will end up

The every morning saga of getting her to change into her uniform is never something we look forward to, as she will end up cladding something of her choice after some dramatic struggles. And not forgetting her recent strike during 1^st day of CNY, when she refuses to change into the cute cheongsum outfit I’ve painstakingly select for her, as she keeps insisting that it’s not a dress but a shirt.

The poor CNY dress that never make it to daylight

Perceptiveness - ”…It takes them 10 minutes to get them from the house to the car.

They notice everything.”

I feel a sense of relief to know that we are not some crazy parents who have to always carefully strategized every outing, starting from something as simple as a short walk from the MRT, as thou it’s one of Edwin’s ATEC misson, to avoid any potential eye contact with tear-inducing suspects such as playgrounds. Even the same walk to the bus-stop (that takes less than 3 mins) seems like eternity as she always manage to discover something new to amaze at.

Adaptability – “…Spirited children are uncomfortable with change. They hate surprises and do not shift easily from one activity or idea to another..” 

This probably accounts for the taxing emotional strikes she put up when she first started full-day preschool a month ago.

By Page 10 of this book, I can’t help thinking that they should re-name the title to “Raising Your Spirited En Xi” instead.

As the book has rightfully pointed out, life with my Spirited En Xi are equally rewarded with prized moments of joy and laughter. She will ambush us with disciplinary words such as “Don’t shout”, “Cannot push”, “Say sorry” when we haven’t been observing the same ground rules that we have laid down for her. And of cause how everyday is her birthday, and we have to conduct the cake-cutting ceremony and sing her the “Happy Birthday” song for the 10,001th time…her daily supplement of warm snuggles (usually complete with a Olympic dive into our arms) the moment we step through the door…and how she likes to orchestrate a music performance at home, and getting everyone to be part of her rock ensemble, creatively using make-shift instruments such as cup covers as cymbals. 

I'm so happy to be the free-spirited child!!

I’m looking forward to uncover more insightful tips in this book and hope to share some successes in the near future.  For a start, it has definitely help to reinforce my unwavering belief that Fate must have its own plans for her, and setting her up for something out of the usual run of things.   Stay tune for more updates on my Spirited En Xi!