Couplehood Travels

Selfie with mummy's reflection on my shades

4 Oct is a special day.  It is your mum’s birthday and more importantly, your parent’s wedding anniversary.  We first met each other at the now defunct ‘Madam Wong 2’ disco club at merchant’s road in late 2001.  I think she was attracted to my robotic dancing moves (don’t laugh, all guys will go through this), she always flatly denies it, but somehow she talks about my dance moves a lot.  For me, it has to be the sassy long straight (re-bond) hair and bright smile of hers.  She was wearing a maroon red spaghetti strap top (this was the trend back then) with gathers at the breast area (yes, I’m a breast man) and tight jeans (yes, I’m an @$$ man as well).

Brunei is exceptionally boring.  Going to the cinema was about the only leisure you can find

We hang out for a while before I was due to attend a 3-month Ranger course.  Unfortunately, or in my perspective, fortunately, I got into a bike accident a day before the start of the course and that took me away from work for some time. I guess it was meant to be, as the time I spend recuperating meant that I could spend more time with your mum.  All was nice and rosy until 2 months later, I was informed that I would be posted to Brunei for work in Feb 2002.  Long distance relationships were tough to maintain and we hear enough stories why it doesn’t always work out.  Many thought that spells the end for both of us, but we persevere and made arrangements to visit each other often.  All in all, we still see each other every 3 months or less.  I was posted back to Singapore in Oct 2003 and from there, we started planning for our wedding and tied the knot on 4 Oct 2004.

Selfies like this are hard to come by when both of you are around us

After we had you, holidays were always planed to your needs.  We think about your dietary requirements, the necessary surroundings for you to be safe and adequate convenience for timely naptimes.  After a decade of marriage, we finally found courage and help for us to go on a “couple only” holiday trip.  Courage because we worry you can’t survive a night without us and Help because we didn’t want to trouble others (particularly your grandma) too much.  On hindsight, after our couple trip, I guess ‘Courage’ and ‘Help’ were not the issues.  It was simply “We can’t bear to leave both of you” on your own.

Yes, we used to be so trim and tan-looking in Dec 2001

Still, the trip did us a lot of good.  Our trip reconnected us again because it felt so much like “falling in love” again.  Our very first couple trip was in fact to Bali in Dec 2001 and here we are again in 2014, celebrating your mum’s birthday and our 10^th year wedding anniversary.  As the taxi driver drove us past Kuta beach, memories started to flow again and we could recall where we stayed (Dynasty Beach Resort), the surf shops we visited, the things we bought and the stuff we ate.  All seems such distant recollections, yet so close to the heart.  We did everything we wanted to do; and as and when we like to.  We woke up when we want to and slept as late as we want to.  Drink all the alcohol that our bodies can take and eat the things we want to eat; no matter how difficult it was to locate the place.  The feeling was indescribable and the closet word I can think of is “Freedom”.  We stayed a night in Kuta, followed by 2 nights at Ubud and I must say Ubud is really a magical place.  It is so rich in culture with great eateries and coffee joints.  We were lucky to be there during this period as there were interesting religious proceedings along the streets and weather was kind to us throughout.  Lodging was at ‘RoyalPitah Maha’ and this place is just amazing.  We had a villa overlooking the cliff with personal pool and ample space.  It was serene and we even had the time to do Yoga each morning.  Perhaps the most rewarding part of the trip was to be able to talk to one another without having a pre-occupied mind and interruptions from both of you.  We listed down 4 key objectives for the family.  They are:

1.  Both of you have to sleep in a room independently and the room has to be given a fresh coat of paint, redecorated and orientated for En Xi’s start to Primary 1.

2.    We will live healthily by waking up early for walks/jogs on weekends.

3.  We will meet up with HDB and private banks to do re-financing for our home and work towards a quicker journey to be debt free.

4.    As the above objectives are to be met by the end of the year, we need another couple trip next year to decide on things to be done in 2015.

Yes, I'm still wearing the same shirt after 10 years

 

Sibling Rivalry 2 and Father-Children's Weekend

Another Milestone, Milk Teeth are starting to fall off

Every time I come home from a working trip, En Xi seems to grow a little taller and display a new level of maturity. (Sorry, not you, En Jun, you continue to look too small for your age and exhibit traits of a big baby… :p) My recent trip to Hawaii was only 18 days and again you never fail to amaze me.

You are taking good care of your brother and often look out for him.  At times, even defending on his behalf when I’m lecturing him.  What’s even weirder, is that both of you have a real “love-hate” relationship.  Not in a BGR sense of course, but in a “sibling love-rivalry” kind of way.  En Jun delights in being a nuisance and takes great pleasure in irritating the hell out of you.  His groundless accusations and taunts agitate you.  You stand absolutely defenceless and all you can do is whine.  Whining on En Jun is akin to “fuel on fire”, the more you whine, the more En Jun gets a kick out of it.  Despite all this, I think you guys will be great pals when you grow up.

 

Happier Times Together

It seems that the same situations happen in pre-school as well.  At night, we shared about our day and hear similar stories about who was nasty and said not so kind words to you.  You rant about them and displayed the familiar behaviour at not being able to resolve your own conflicts without help.   We wonder how to help you?  But, I guess, this is part of growing up; you learn how to resolve your own conflicts and disagreements.  Sometimes, parenting is also about taking a step back.  Letting you fall and be there to support you when needed.  Not rushing to you at the very first sight of danger.

Father-Children Day @ S.E.A. Aquarium

Talking about trips, this weekend was a get away trip for Shichida Gang. Xuan Ying’s mummy, Auntie Angie and Azela’s mummy, Auntie Amy and Your Mummy, Rei Wang went to Bangkok, Thailand for a shopping spree.  So, for this weekend, it was just the both of you with me.  We visited the S.E.A. Aquarium at RWS Sentosa and this was our 2nd visit.  Given that both of you are older now from the last visit, I really believed that you guys would appreciate marine life better.

Everything at Sentosa is seriously overpriced

When queried about your best part of the day, the unanimous answer was remarkably the heena on your arms, which cost me $10 each.   You never know what goes on inside a child’s head.   I absolutely enjoyed the quality time we spend together.  Without your mom, meant new rules, lots of running around, exploring the unknowns and pushing boundaries beyond your comfort zones.  En Xi literally took matters to a new level and I had to be on a constant look out amidst a swamp of people.  En Jun held my hand throughout and was within 5 metres radius from me when he wandered off to explore.  Nonetheless, we still miss Mummy by Day 3.  We miss the healthy and sumptuous dinner you prepare for us and the routine that helps us stay balanced.  I have a bad feeling that both of you are going to be sick on Monday.

 

Daddy's futile attempt at Selfie

Another futile attempt. I think you guys are just trying to irritate me

Dora, but only in Pink pls

A Happy En Xi in her new Pink Dora Nightie (Daddy bought this from Big W 'Mega store akin to Carrefour' in Rockhampton 'Beef Capital of Down Under', Australia)

Its funny how time seems to be an eternity when you are away from your kids. For the umpteen time (I lost count), Daddy is away for overseas work yet again. Its even more weird when you get home and never fail to notice even the most subtle differences in your kid. While it may seem trivial, every parent will always feel the need to exclaim and share with the whole world. So, here I go.

All Dressed Up and Ready for School

As always, you are taller and heavier, 96cm and 13.6kg to be exact. Your linguistic skills are picking up and you are able to express stuff such as, "Its ok Daddy, I'm ok, we can do it again." Unfortunately, your ability to follow instructions is still very much left to be desired. Your obsession with 'Pink' and 'Dora' has done to a whole new level. You are refusing to wear your uniform for school and this has been going on for a month plus now. The only outfit for school is the Pink 'Dora' T-shirt that Ah Ma has bought for you, matched with an orange leggings with a touch of pink, coupled with Pink 'Dora' back pack and Pink 'Hello Kitty' Crocs. We think you are getting over our heads as you always come home from school with the uniform on. Gotta catch up with your teacher for some tricks these days.

Personalised 'Dora' Themed Booster Seat

During my time away from home, Ah Ma finally managed to cajole you into sitting at our dinner table for meals, but at the expense of giving up the baby chair. The adult chair was too low for you, but you insisted on nothing else and we had to give in. So, off I went to look for a booster seat for you and I was exasperated when you refused to even try to sit on it. The problem? It was blue, not Pink! I should had guessed and made the colour of my choice as my primary criterion for selection. There was no exchange policy and Ah Ma came to the rescue again and suggested that you personalise the booster seat by pasting Dora stickers on it.

So much for 'Pink' and 'Dora', your favourite book from the library now is titled 'My Best Best Friend' of Charlie and Lola series. Daddy ponders if he'll ever be your best best friend in future.

Story Telling

Since at an early age, bedtime stories have been a habitual routine for En Xi. Every night, when we say “time for milk”, En Xi will rush into her room and grab her favourite books. She then tosses the books on the bed and lies down with both arms out stretched, reaching for the milk bottle. As she slurps down her fix, we sit down next to her and start reading. Before you know it, she bumps her milk bottle onto your hand to indicate that she’s done. This consummates with her licking her lips profusely in delight, before she sits ups pointing to a book and says “How about this one?”

I’m glad to have had adopted this habit as it allows us a little bonding time every night and more importantly, nurtures En Xi’s interest in reading. As a matter of fact, she has enjoyed bedtime stories so much that she looks forward to bringing back new books from the library. Sometimes, En Xi will read to us, albeit with the occasional prompting. Once done reading, she looks up and the sparkle from her eyes and warmth smile instantaneously energise us.

With En Xi’s affection for reading and her showing symptoms of bad mannerism, such as snatching and gobbling down her favourite snacks. We came up with a brilliant plan to cultivate her values by reading cautionary tales. Our first book was “Say please, Louise!” by Roxbee Cox??? A large text graphical book with emphasis on the phrase “Say please, Louise! A please and thank you is all that’s needed.” At the start, we were taken by surprise with her ease of reciting ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ as we flip through the pages. But I guess we did not explain when and how to apply the appropriate mannerism nor did we allow her to practise enough. It all seems confusing for her in the beginning. At times, she said ‘Thank you’ before asking for things and often hurries off without saying ‘Thank you’ when she gets her stuff. Eventually, our constant reminders and patience paid off. Finally, En Xi was able to communicate ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ in the right situations.

Delighted and encouraged by En Xi’s progress, we decided to introduce more cautionary tales by the same author, such as “Don’t be Greedy, Graham!” and “Don’t be a Bully, Billy!” But it seems tougher than before, now when we ask “Can we be Greedy or Bully?” She would spontaneous reply “Yes!” much to our dismay. But I’m sure she’ll be on the right track in no time, all we need is a little more patience.

A little Daddy-Daughter Time meeting up with En Xi Favourite Cartoon Character

Communicating, the En Xi way

En Xi: Daddy! I want milk.

Daddy: Here you go.

En Xi: (knocks on ah ma's room door) Ah Ma! I blow milk.

Ah Ma: Blow milk? What blow milk?

En Xi: (pointing to the sofa, smiling) There! I blow milk!

Ah Ma: Oh oh... That's vomit... Are you okay, En Xi?

That was 3 weeks ago. The only positive out of the incident was her smile, proudly pointing at her puke as though it was cool. En Xi was down with stomach flu and among many other virus that hops along the sick wagon were a bout of flu, fever and phlegm. This prompted a drop in appetite and feeding became somewhat laborious. To make matters worse, En Xi started to thin down and felt like a bag of bones when we bathed her. Naturally, Mummy felt really bad and began her 'its all our fault' theories of feeding too much this and that or sleeping too late, etc, etc.

Getting ready for beach and insisting on wearing her swimwear while we pack our bags

Fortunately, En Xi recovered in time for our 2nd Bintan trip this year and what great fun we had. We had more company and my parents together with my brother's family were able to join us. So it was great thrill for En Xi as her BFF (Best friend Forever), Charlene Jer Jer (that's how En Xi calls Charlene) was there. We managed to visit the beach and pool on each of the 4 days we were there. Every morning, we are greeted with her saying "I want to go ah beach!" Speaking of which, we came to realise that En Xi talks in a very Singlish way. In fact, most of her speech contains the adjective "ah". Examples such as:

I go ah beach.

I want ah biscuit.

I want ah chee choo. (which means pacifier and I have no idea how she came up with that)

That's ah spider.

And the list goes on.

"Diao Deng" eyes with baywatch pose

En Xi has also started communicate herself a little better and is able to take simple instructions such as "Keep your toys", which comes in very handy, albeit with a little persuasion and reward at times. She is also able to state her needs and is quite comical at times (at least to mummy and daddy). There were times when daddy and mummy are engrossed in our own conversation and En Xi will stand up, raise both her hands in the air, shouting, "STOP! STOP!" She then bows her head, frown and look at us with her "diao deng" eyes, demanding for attention. What can I say? The kid never gets enough attention!

Another screaming episode

Of course, there are times, when En Xi is just sweet. Sometimes, but rarely, she tries the soft approach to get her way by grasping her hands together, tucked under her chin and with her sweetest possible voice, "Daddy.... How aboooout... biscuit?" This normally does the trick and we give in to her demands. Most of the time, she just spreads herself on the floor and starts wailing. I must say En Xi has great stamina, she can keep going with her face turned red and tears streaming down like a tap. At times, taking a break, with a deep breath and yawn before she starts the next salvo. And what do we do, we give up and accede to her demands again.

The little one never keeps still

(This photo doesn't quite relate to what I'm writing here, but I just like this photo, so what the heck?)

Once in awhile, we pretend to be angry before she starts her nonsense. What does En Xi do? She stands in front of us and says," Angry?" Starts shaking her hips, dancing and sings," Wiggles, wiggles! Dibo Dibo Dee?" That's her way of cheering us up.

Last, but not least, my favourite phrase from her when I tickle her neck with my rough stubble on my chin. "Daddy, why you do that?"

The hair on my chinny chin chin never fails to make En Xi laugh

Parenting

A picture taken at the Singapore Night Festival 2010 that Daddy really liked

Recently, Daddy went for a Secondary School gathering and somehow got to know a few more friends, rather than catch up with old ones.  There, Daddy met a SAHM (Stay At Home Mum) and we spoke at length on some parenting matters.  One such conversation that got Daddy thinking again was the effect of enrichment programs for kids.  Enrichment programs in the "Little Red Dot" is a BIG thing, as you will know when you grow up that Education is everything and all that matters in our country.  Some might beg to defer, but for a guy who works in the civil service and watch countless inapt superiors get a pay rise for doing half the work of what I do, this idea kind of sinks into my head.  Ok, enough ranting for now and back to the subject proper.

One of many places that Daddy and Mummy brings you to cultivate your artsy fartsy roots

I was explaining the routines of your everyday with regards to the homework in the evenings and stressing the importance to keep up or drop out.  But my new found friend opined differently and only subscribes her kids to nursery and kindergarden.  No additional enrichment programs and lets her kids play all the time and as much as they want, but of course within limits.  She said, "Kids are going to start carrying big and heavy textbooks from 7 years of age, let them have their childhood, they will learn to write and read anyway."  Wow, you better start thanking this lady when you grow up and happen to bump into her in future.  She was right in her way and I can understand that to a certain extend, while learning to pick up life skills early is important, such as writing and reading.  It is only a matter of time you will learn these skills, what's more important is to let you enjoy this process.  That is why I'll continue to read to you every night because the bonding is just great and irreplaceable for me.  You'll also be glad to know that you will be ending your enrollment to Shichida classes by the end of the year.

Ok, let's stick to play now, shall we?

Daddy was reading the New York Times and came across 2 interesting articles that might be of interest if you are a parent.  Sometimes, we wonder what we do as a parent actually helps.

Accepting That Good Parents May Plant Bad Seeds

We marvel at the resilient child who survives the most toxic parents, yet the converse — the notion that some children might be the bad seeds of more or less decent parents — is hard to take.

http://nyti.ms/8Z1MDu

   
Computers at Home: Educational Hope vs. Teenage Reality
Researchers measuring a home computer’s educational value to a schoolchild in a low-income household are finding that test scores tend to go down, not up.

http://nyti.ms/aOiiLl


There's so much talk about filial piety these days, Daddy wonders if you will hold onto Daddy and Mummys' hands when we are old, just like we once did when you were young.

Growing up Together

My journey with En Xi for the past 2.5 years has bought quite a fair bit of reflections for myself. At times, it has led myself to question the beliefs, values and principles that I hold so truly in life, but more significantly, it has led to another level of understanding between Rei and myself.

There are times when I wonder if I'm strong enough when the going gets tough with you? Will I wobble and succumb to your bidding? Is bending backwards for the sake of complimenting one another's parenting styles the way forward? What if Mummy don't agree with Daddy? Should there be define roles and areas of scrutiny for each parent? If yes, then what happened to bringing you up as parents where couple-hood is the core and nucleus of a family? What about your speaking rights? What do you believe?

Lion or Fish? Is it even Real?

Here are 4 examples of distinctly different parenting styles:

1. 'Spicy' Tapioca Snack

The family shares a pack of spicy tapioca snack, you kept wanting to try it and kicks a big fuss over it. We can let you have it and you will understand the meaning of 'spicy' when we say 'spicy'; or just keep the pack out of sight and consume when you are out of sight.

2. Fun in the Playground

You start to walk and climb, we can continue to run behind you in case you fall; or watch from a distance and intervene where a fall can mean dire consequence.

3. Let's go Now

You refuse to walk towards the right direction and insist on moving your way. We can walk up and reason with you; or watch from a distance that is slightly out of sight to let you understand who's the boss.

4. Eat it all up

People should always finish every bit of food on your plate unless they are too full; or leave pockets and bits of rice on your plate when you are done cos it don't matter anyway.

Ultimately, the differences are what they are because of one's upbringing. The values imparted from the grandparents may or may not left an impression on the parents. The parents chose to see the positive or negative of each belief, coupled with the environment they grew up in and the type of exposure one's get, particularly in school and work is what very much defines the parent. If the parents are so different from one another, then the question is how can 2 seemingly different persons become a couple? Your guess is as good as mine, but I chose to believe that positive attracts negative, bad attracts the good, and we are together precisely because we compliment one another.

Little Pigs Little Pigs Let me in...

Taken from a Batik Market in Bali

En Xi's favourite bedtime story for the moment is "Three Little Pigs". Sometimes, when she is in the mood, she will even read together with me, but of course, she can only say "Little Pig, Little Pig, Let me in" or "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin". I guess these two phrases are her favourite parts. In fact, we think that you are having one of those "talking outburst" many parents told me about. Its funny, how sometimes she speaks, but then again, every parent feels the same for their kid. Here's one of the those moments when my parents came back from Korea:

(Knocking at Grandparent's Room)

En Xi: Ah Ma! Ah Ma!

(Grandpa opens the door)

Grandpa: Yes, En Xi?

En Xi: Are you tired?

Grandpa: Ha ha, yes, very tired.

En Xi: Ah Ma Sleeping?

Grandpa: Yes, she is.

Her favourite impromptu phrase includes, "Mmmm, I think, Ah Pink!" when she see's her favourite colour pink. When she is playing and drops something that she associates with feelings, she will go, "Are you ok?" And let's not forget her favourite phrase, "Dun want dun want, Bu Yao Bu Yao".

Inverted shades for the flat nosed one

It has been 2 weeks since En Xi went school. Not because of illness, but rather, we went for yet another trip. This time to Bali, its been 8 years since Rei and myself stepped foot on Bali. In fact, back then, that was our first trip together. As always, it was a blasting time for En Xi, not so for Rei, but not too bad for me. We kind of think En Xi is a born swimmer, because she is never afraid of the water. Despite being submerged in water and gulping pool water for 2 sec or so, En Xi still gets her head up with a big smile on her face. After the trip, it was a week of school term break, while Rei and I get back to work. We knew that keeping En Xi entertained while she is at home all day will prove to be a challenge. Hence, we bought quite a number of books and toys for her. Not only that she was painting for almost every other day. There's also this fascination about bubbles and spraying water onto herself that she finds funny. These days, kids really have all the fun, at times I wonder if we spoilt En Xi too much, the Bali trip was to be the sixth trip for her and her fourth time on board a plane.

En Xi is still quite a bully, impatient and at times very irritating.

En Xi's tendency to bully kids younger than her is something we can't quite understand. Today she went onto her biting rage again when her cousin, Julian was trying to sit on a rocker that she was just done playing. So "Pai Seh" for both of us, but more worrying is this continual trend. Since she started holding onto a pencil/pen, she never like us to help her hold the pencil to write or draw.

En Xi's impatience can be best observed when she's trying to fit things into fillings that are obviously too small. Things such as trying to fit her Hello Kitty umbrella into her little Dora handbag or trying to fit the hardcover books into the same bag. Then, she starts going into those mini foot stomping, followed by flinging herself backwards onto the sofa while wailing at the same time.

2 recent episodes demonstrate En Xi's potential to be a very irritating person. Episode 1: En Xi didn't want to sit in her car seat and despite all attempts to get her own way, she was strapped up tight in the car seat. Unhappy with the treatment she received, she pout her lips and crossed her arms, while using her right leg to hit Rei's leg repeatedly. Episode 2: En Xi was lying down face up and watching Dora on my iPod Touch while I was cleaning her up after she pooped. Maybe she felt the strain on her arms and she proceeded to reach for my hands to hold the iPod for her.

Tackling the Problem

The above painting is your masterpiece, titled "Lady" and it cost Mummy $25 to bring it home from the School's event, "Art Feast". Apart from paying the exorbitant school fees, now we have the privilege of being 's**kers' to actually pay for what you drew in school in order to bring it home. Of course, it was our choice to buy it or not, but then again, no parents would want to miss this milestone for their child, wouldn't they? In case you are wondering, you drew on a much larger paper and had the teachers to guide you or the paper. Nonetheless, its still quite artsy.

Anyway, after Daddy's complaints in the earlier postings, something disturbing happening in school of late. Your teacher called and told Mummy that you actually bit 2 of your friends in school. Now, this truly came as a shock. Even though you are at times (mostly) a tough kid to handle, I had yet to witness you being a bully. After the traumatising experience that day, you came home and was particularly moody. You were being rude again and Mummy was putting you in place before you sat down and bit yourself in the arm. This aren't any good and there can only be 2 reasons why you did that, (1) you did not know how to express your unhappiness and resort to self harm or (2) your teacher asked you to bite yourself to see if its painful when the other 2 victim friends cried. Daddy thinks its the former reason. The teacher even went on and on and suggested (by the book) that you may suffer from mild autistic as she noticed you had troubles concentrating and taking simple instructions. This caused Mummy to suffer a mild depression for a day, but Daddy just think that the teacher was so full of sh*t. Fortunately, our worries were dispelled over the immediate weekend when we went for a couplehood seminar that had some talk on parenting. Your behavior is classified as the strong will-ed child and we have good reasons to think you are one. Although you have problems looking directly at us when we talk and can't seem to take simple instructions, we realised that you actually hear us when we talk and know when to look at us (when you want something). Coincidentally, Daddy is on a 2 weeks break from work and with your grandparents on a holiday to Seoul, Korea, Daddy is on a mission to set things right.

Alfresco Dinning

But before Daddy can start on improving your mannerism, I gotta start to learn how to cook for you. Daddy is proud to improve his cooking ability from 1 dish (maggi mee) to 6 dishes (fried rice, mashed potatoes, porridge, pancake, bee hoon soup and maggi mee). Taking care of you by myself in the day for a straight 5 days was a first for Daddy and I'm proud to say that I had managed to survive through unscathed. Now back to our problem, the biting problem seems to be gone away and I kind of tried to fix a routine for you, getting you to eat, sleep and play at the right time with the right rules. It was difficult in the beginning, but you did showed improvement and even took the initiative to get the books when its time for your afternoon nap. Bathing and changing your nappies are no longer a struggle and getting you up and ready for school is now a breeze. But the biggest take away is that you now know when we are upset with you and you know it when you are in the wrong. Although you still enjoy slapping me in the face, you are more sincere with your apology (don't ask me how, I just know).

I guess this leads to the morale of the story, no matter who takes care of the kid, be it the grandparent, the teacher at the childcare center or the maid. Nothing beats having the parent to spend quality time with your child. A marked improvement was achieved in a week, can you imagine the difference a SAHM (stay at home mom) would make to the kid? (hint hint to Mummy.. :P) Daddy always though he was a great dad who spends quality time with you on weekends, but I guess when you are young and is still finding your feet in this world, quantity still outweighs the quality we share together.

Here's some pictures Daddy took 2 weeks ago when we visited the National Museum of Singapore (free) on the International Museum Day 2010 and the Rainforest Kidzworld @ the Zoo.

You never quite replicate your artwork from school, made me wonder if the picture was a fake?

Baywatch moment

As always, knocked out after another crazy day.